Dearest Readers, The letters have been pouring in , I just knew you needed my help .

Enjoy

D.


Dear Daisy:

I have been reading your advice column with some interest. Being a cat myself, I find it a bit hard to accept advice from a mere horse but I am desperate and thus seeking help from any and every source.

Here is my problem: I have been held prisoner for the past twelve years and I am absolutely innocent! It defies the imagination. My wardens appear nice to the world at large but you should be in my shoes or I should say paws. They barely feed me, just one half of a can of fishy food once a day. I have to share the other half with another prisoner whom I happen to dislike. Anyway, other than that measly bit of food all I get is some dried stuff that tastes like cardboard. As it happens I do know what cardboard tastes like. I have to share the bathroom with them (the wardens) and I am not allowed to sleep on a bed at night and I am never allowed outside. What should I do? Could you rescue me? If you could come over here, I would jump on your back and with my superior intelligence we could conquer the world. I have a plan to free the imprisoned animals of the world. Please let me hear from you A.S.A.P.

Signed: Desperate


Dear Desperate,

Unfortunately you lost my sympathy with the words, " Mere Horse"

You need to take a good hard look at yourself and find out why you can't be satisfied with the good life that you have. I live out close to Animal Rescue Center and I see many rude and unfriendly cats dumped there everyday. Although I could if I wanted to, I will not rescue you because you are aloof, standoffish and unpleasant.

You should kiss the feet of the dear humans that even allow you a few bits of food , If you were living at my barn you would be killing rats for yourself or starving.

My advice is quit complaining and read the next letter from the humans in another situation.
___________________________________________


Dear Daisy,

There are too many animals at my house. You seem to have the same problem at yours. How do you keep so calm and beautiful with all of those animals underfoot? I anxiously await your advice. You have obviously got your act together.


Sincerely,

Too Many Cats

Dear too many Cats,

Please write to the humans that imprison the above mentioned reader and then send your cats there. They obviously would be well cared for, fed, kept out of traffic and away from outside predators, Furthermore there would be the added benefit of causing discomfort to the cat that dared refer to me as a Mere Horse. If you are unable to do this then I suggest you do as I do. Don't worry about them, let them worry about you. Please notice in the following pictures, these chickens aren't pecking the ground, they are bowing to me , QUEEN DAISY. As I always say, A well trained barnyard is a happy barnyard. I rule , they obey. Often times the most obvious answer is the correct one dear reader. TAKE CONTROL

I would like to get Nicky to do this when he enters my presence but excellence takes time

Keep those cards and letters coming in ,

Daisy

POST SCRIPT......

Several hours after this blog hit the air, the following letter was found in my email. Thank you for your contriteness. It is well deserved...........................

Daisy Dahling:

Please accept my deepest apologies. My toe must have slipped as I was writing and hit an e instead of an a. I meant to say, "mare horse" as a term of respect due your exalted station in the animal kingdom. I have felt so badly that it has ruined my whole morning purr.

If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please plan my escape.

Still desperate, Ding-a-ling (my alias)