SAD SATURDAY

They have left. They served breakfast at 4:30 this morning , hired a woman to look after the spa and they left. The are going to a beginners Clinic on the "other coast"

I would like to say that I don't really understand any of this but I found a few photographs laying around and I don't like the looks of this at all. I just hope this is all about Nicky and they don't expect me to wear such ugly and ill fitting clothing, I do have a reputation as a fashion maven and I will protect that reputation at all costs

Second installment of advice column

Dear Daisy;

I have meet your royalness a few times, however we have never had the opportunity to have a cup of tea together , Nonetheless, in my current situation, I find myself stumped.

About three months ago my parents/servants decided to get me a friend before I got to "old", whatever that means. He is nice some times but other times he just walks around growling and in general stinking up the place. When he is grumpy I have had to put him in his place but for some reason he never remembers. They tell me it is not Alzheimer or dementia because he is just a year old. I am not sure how to proceed with this rare case of old man syndrome. Perhaps you could come help me dig a hole to bury him in.

TTFN

-KC

Dear KC,

First off, whats wrong with you that you can't make your own friends ?? Isn't it embarrassing that your Mommy has to buy a friend for you ?????? Not only that, it seems apparent she bought a defective one off the sale rack.

Secondly friends are over rated, they are nice for standing head to tail so they will keep flys off your face but other than that, so called friends will take your food, eat your hay, get your grooming, stand in your shade or in front of your fan and kick or bite you when you least expect it. Who needs it, If I wasn't a herd animal I would live alone.

My advice is........ Take his food, eat his hay, get his groomings, stand in his shade or in front of his fan and kick and bite him when he least expects it . It works on my subordinates and keeps them in line, let it work for you too.

Daisy

-------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Daisy,

I met a new guy. My friends say he is a real turkey. Whenever I'm near him he follows me around and tries to put his arm...er...wing... around me. I think he wants more than I'm willing to give him. He's actually kind of pushy. But he's so handsome with dark black hair...OK, feathers...and beautiful blue......skin. He talks almost non-stop but has a great bass voice when he wants to. What should I do? I have a feeling that he'd do this with any girl. I've heard he has a thing about shoes! But he's so delicious looking. I'm stumped. Should I be thinking ahead to family holiday dinners with him??

Tantalized by Tom


Dear Tantalized,


He is only toying with your affections, I have seen other bird brains just like him and they are all over any woman like gravy on mashed potatoes. He will gobble up your love and all you will get in return is a unladylike belch.


He will come on sweet like potato casserole all marshmallowy and warm then BAM turn away and go after the next white breast or dark thigh. Leaving you abandoned like that last pea in the bottom of the serving bowl floating in melted butter.


I know you crave him now and thinking about bread stuffing yourself in bed with the Giblet man but that is only your tryptophan speaking. Take a good nap on an empty stomach and things will look brighter when the Rooster Crows.



your friend, daisy

the visit

Oh Joy and delight....

What a lovely day we had when my old Friend April and her stallion Russ came for a visit. Here is a picture of April with one of the Turkeys trying to convince her to fly off the the Casbah with him and Russ with his new girl friend Chili. Notice Nicki looking on and he is very jealous cause he thinks all of us are his and his alone.


And if their visit wasn't enough we are going on the most wonderful outing. We are actually going to church . Really, we get to go to church this Sunday. We will take many pictures and tell you all about it . It will be fun.

I think that it will be very interesting to see if Nicki is a scardy cat or if all goes well because the Church is in a neighborhood and people ride bikes in neighborhoods . If it doesn't go so well then we will report from the hospital and that will also make a great story and be very interesting. Maybe we are going on a walk tonight to see how it goes. We haven't been out since the big upset and I am quite anxious for a bit of exercise . I noticed a fat roll at the base of my tail this morning. How anyone can get a fat roll on 2 cups of food a day is beyond me ,but the mirror doesn't lie.


We also found out why we were having so many babies around here. There is a stork visiting , I got his picture this morning . We looked around to see what he brought but haven't seen the new ones yet.

There is some problems with the turkey baby and chicken mommy, he has gotten so big she thinks he can be left alone when in reality he is still quite tiny and young. We don't know if perhaps his calls aren't "right' and don't pull at her heart strings but all here are watching him closely to make sure he is OK. Here is a picture of him looking for the mommy that has basically abandoned him to play fast and free with her favorite rooster.

That's all my news for this morning ,

Kisses

D

Dearest Readers, The letters have been pouring in , I just knew you needed my help .

Enjoy

D.


Dear Daisy:

I have been reading your advice column with some interest. Being a cat myself, I find it a bit hard to accept advice from a mere horse but I am desperate and thus seeking help from any and every source.

Here is my problem: I have been held prisoner for the past twelve years and I am absolutely innocent! It defies the imagination. My wardens appear nice to the world at large but you should be in my shoes or I should say paws. They barely feed me, just one half of a can of fishy food once a day. I have to share the other half with another prisoner whom I happen to dislike. Anyway, other than that measly bit of food all I get is some dried stuff that tastes like cardboard. As it happens I do know what cardboard tastes like. I have to share the bathroom with them (the wardens) and I am not allowed to sleep on a bed at night and I am never allowed outside. What should I do? Could you rescue me? If you could come over here, I would jump on your back and with my superior intelligence we could conquer the world. I have a plan to free the imprisoned animals of the world. Please let me hear from you A.S.A.P.

Signed: Desperate


Dear Desperate,

Unfortunately you lost my sympathy with the words, " Mere Horse"

You need to take a good hard look at yourself and find out why you can't be satisfied with the good life that you have. I live out close to Animal Rescue Center and I see many rude and unfriendly cats dumped there everyday. Although I could if I wanted to, I will not rescue you because you are aloof, standoffish and unpleasant.

You should kiss the feet of the dear humans that even allow you a few bits of food , If you were living at my barn you would be killing rats for yourself or starving.

My advice is quit complaining and read the next letter from the humans in another situation.
___________________________________________


Dear Daisy,

There are too many animals at my house. You seem to have the same problem at yours. How do you keep so calm and beautiful with all of those animals underfoot? I anxiously await your advice. You have obviously got your act together.


Sincerely,

Too Many Cats

Dear too many Cats,

Please write to the humans that imprison the above mentioned reader and then send your cats there. They obviously would be well cared for, fed, kept out of traffic and away from outside predators, Furthermore there would be the added benefit of causing discomfort to the cat that dared refer to me as a Mere Horse. If you are unable to do this then I suggest you do as I do. Don't worry about them, let them worry about you. Please notice in the following pictures, these chickens aren't pecking the ground, they are bowing to me , QUEEN DAISY. As I always say, A well trained barnyard is a happy barnyard. I rule , they obey. Often times the most obvious answer is the correct one dear reader. TAKE CONTROL

I would like to get Nicky to do this when he enters my presence but excellence takes time

Keep those cards and letters coming in ,

Daisy

POST SCRIPT......

Several hours after this blog hit the air, the following letter was found in my email. Thank you for your contriteness. It is well deserved...........................

Daisy Dahling:

Please accept my deepest apologies. My toe must have slipped as I was writing and hit an e instead of an a. I meant to say, "mare horse" as a term of respect due your exalted station in the animal kingdom. I have felt so badly that it has ruined my whole morning purr.

If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please plan my escape.

Still desperate, Ding-a-ling (my alias)